Pay attention to actions, not words. People can tell you all they want, but who they are speaks so loudly you can’t hear them.
When people tell you one thing and demonstrate another, trust their actions. Our actions always follow our thinking, beliefs, and intentions.
When words and actions conflict, it tells you the person is comfortable being dishonest with you and hoping no one notices or that they are not self-aware.
It’s often more uncomfortable to say and do the right thing than it is to tell someone what you hope they’ll believe with the hopes it might become true or go unnoticed. So, you talk with some people about the “truth” of the situation, then outwardly say something different to protect egos – mainly your own. You are busy working to preserve an external illusion when privately you’re living a lie.
At work, we avoid people situations when we lack the courage to address what’s actually happening in hopes something will change if we sugarcoat the message, talking in inference and niceties when feedback may be necessary. Avoiding the conversations only perpetuates the problem.
When relationships (at work or home) aren’t working, your only opportunity to change the situation is to interrupt the non-working behavior and design a new pattern with that person. You see, you’ve trained them to behave exactly as they are every time you allow more of the same.
Please don’t complain about people’s behaviors you’re unwilling to discuss with them; you are part of the problem.
Oh, and most people are noticing the incongruencies – they are tolerating it. For now.
Categories: Sue's Daily Blog
