October 1, 2020 7:00 am Published by

“Grief never ends… but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, not a lack of faith…it is the price of love.” 

Finding words to express the cascade of feelings that accompany grieving a loss is not easy.  

In terms of capturing what it feels like with any reasonable depth which compares to the profound loss, hurt, anger, sadness, despair, lethargy you feel as time passes is somewhat futile. 

Certain actions are paralyzing. It’s not logical, but email feels difficult at this time for me. Writing is effortful. I’d rather organize every room in my home (which has become strangely satisfying) than be still and feel the hole in my life.  

Certainly, I can observe myself and push myself to do what I need to, this is what it means to compartmentalize – certain emotions are parked in order to do the necessary things based on commitments made.  

Most days, it works. It’s gratifying to do “normal” things, though it feels like it requires a herculean effort to get up, get going and get things done. Once going, I can keep them rolling. 

It’s the stillness that gets me. When I’m not doing, and I can be with the magnitude of feelings I’ve parked away. Once the door is open, I’m in the passage and each day lightens grief’s grip ever so slightly. 

It’s a price worth paying, though it compounds in time.